to Coyne with love

december again
how can i forget all thats done
the twenty second
this month weighs about a ton
this was my favorite month
of all the months that the year brings
but as life continued
i found myself alone and heartbroken

please
remember me for the heart i had
it can live inside you too

i'll never forget, your names not in vain
and i do remember
the last thing that you said
"im taking it easy, i think that you should too"
i'll try, thanks
god bless you

to the end with love

and i know, just who i am
its been told, i got the lower hand
but i know, its not always true
you see, its so much easier for me to be happy than you

all ive got is me
im just one with the sea
and i am completly free

so it goes, and so do i
lord knows, that i tried
whats done is done, and so am i
onto the next town, down the road i drive

all ive got is me
im just one with the sea
and i am completly free

Audrea

hello, my name is paul
i never have much to say at all
you see, im lonely
but im not quite alone
you see, i have many places
that i call my home
too little, too late
story of my life

today was different
as i tried to talk
but as i opened my mouth
the words fell out
straight to the floor
as i walked to the door
life wont change today

i need the guts that i dont have
i want to be happy with who i am

all i know

"i swear, i'll never tell them again"
i wasnt aware writing could get you in so much trouble
i wasnt writing for or about them
but of course, its all about them
i regret my feelings
however, i cant regret putting them on paper

i was so young
and to think, what did i know?
now, i know.

new years

i remember them so well
the new years
where i was
what i saw
at exactly 12:00 midnight
2001-02
phoenix arizona
it was a bit chilly
the horns and firecrackers went off
id gone to bed at 9pm
lights out, covers up
i could hear them
their happiness, their screams
their paper hats and horns
new years eve completly terrifies me
life knows nothing of years

once the horns had stopped
and the firecrackers no longer
it began to rain
and i thought to myself
i will never understand man
but i have lived it through

1:47

today i got to thinking
how meaningless one is
when there are just so many
what does it really matter?
theres always another
but i speak of such
because i am alone
there is no one to let down
or say goodbye too
i just listen to everyone
and everyone they know
as i keep to myself
random nights in random cities
puts it all into perspective
i am a man of music
i am a man of words
but also silence
as my good friends continue down the road singing
"to be one of us is a blessing"

i must admit

i must admit
this feels pretty nice
all i can hear is the wind passing my ear
its quiet and cold
and i like that.
i like watching trucks pass on interstate 80
i enjoy they're company
they just never stop coming
and i like that.
laying here wide awake, i begin to smile
as i hear the trains in the distance
sitting by this fire keeps me warm on the inside
as i look on from the outside
its times like these
i realize what life is all about

so stay warm.

my mouth is always closed

i was sitting on my couch
my mouth was closed
i though to myself
how lonely ive become
i went out for a drink
and saw a beautiful woman
i sat there for an hour
thinking of something beautiful to say
but my mouth remained closed
speechless, as usual
i gave it some time
too much time
and i ended up walking out
more alone than i felt before

nothings changed...

im gonna die alone
i promise

october

this is my second favorite month
october
finally a breeze
kids trick or treat
i am a new man now
yet, i dont feel any different
a little more tired, perhaps
a little more drained
but i remain looking forward to december
it is my favorite month
i can take another drive down hayden
listening to the kinison
its cold in december, and i like that
i can see the lights around me
and feel better about feeling so cold

both are pretty damn lonely..

then and now

i think its sad when i see these people
who always have someone theyre with
even right after the last one
and on and on again
i've been this way for so long
i dont think i'll ever stand next to someone
if theres an open space i can stand alone in
you will see me there
if only your eyesight was not as bad as the rest
because i am alive
but nobody says much to me
they tend to walk right by me

i am

i am a writer
i am a musician
music is the world and life
nothing more nor less
but words, are all i have
i write for no one but myself
i do not write sadness
i write feelings
i write truth
i am a man, and i dont think twice to tell my stories
my words will outlive me
and when they do
maybe someone will care then
maybe then, someone somewhere will understand
whats its like
because this world is so fucking beautiful
its just more enjoyable when your not in it alone

i love the sky and the trees
i love rain and city streets
i love people watching
i love watching the world go round
all while never even opening my mouth
there is something bigger than me and you
and all the beauty we see
whether we realize it or not
i dont know what this is
but i have the hope and faith in it
that it will save my life

no such thing as home #2

i ran like hell
into unknowns
mainly to feel a sense of home
"this cant be" i remember saying
and it wasnt
but neither was anywhere else
i was young and dumb
there was never, and will never be
there is no such thing as home

someone

all i want to know is
long after im dead and gone, will somebody see what i see right now?
will someone someday feel like i feel right now?
will somebody roam the same city streets and train tracks as me?
thinking what i thought?
will someone, somewhere, know my name?
i wrote this for someone who lives out there, not among us
but she could be inside one of you right now

red cup

i could hear the music from in the street
once i was in, i didnt know where to put my feet
shoulder to shoulder
flagstaff arizona
everyone had their red cup
for them, always filled up
drinking, dancing through that night
i too, had a red cup
but mine was the only one with nothing in it
"too crowded" i said to myself
as i wandered to the backyard
a gentlemen gave me a cigarette
i decided to light it up, to make me standing there less awkward
a girl came up to me telling me how i looked extremely familiar
but soon started talking with the guy next to me
i guess i didnt impress
im sure they had much more in common
all in all, id say a typical night

i need to start filling that red cup

time tonight

to change my life
ive got no time tonight
rain, no shine
is more than a familiar sight

and then
the clouds keep rolling in
and i fear that i have sinned
cause i know i can never
win

i wonder what it is that makes me feel so lonely
i wonder what it is that makes me feel so sad
every time i think about it, only one things apparent
i am everything that i have ever had
thats all that i have

39 is my unlucky number

i get my hopes up sometimes
39 times, actually
its because i want what i cannot have
or because i wish for what is lost
i dont seem to get along with the realities of my hope
misguides me
always getting me lost
thats why i push on without it

phoenix

its become ice cold in the hottest city in amerika
everything i built has done more than crumble down
friendships turn into faded memories
as they continue to use amphetamines
while im picking at 6 strings i claim to know nothing about
nothing left but my thoughts of, "what could've been?"
if anything its taught me that im the only friend ive got
if anything, its good to know ive got such a good friend
there would grow a time, and that time has come
where i would be all said for and done
forgotten about from whom it meant most
so i plan to head north
im getting out of this city
and when i do, im going to smile

the young man & the sea

when i was younger, i used to walk along the shore. once and awhile jumping in and quickly out of the ocean, but never too deep. never too deep to where i was off the ocean floor. usually, not too deep at all. but as i roamed miles and miles of shore as a boy, i never got worried that i was lost. i never felt uncomfortable near the ocean. i never even felt the strangers around me. i was a quiet boy, but always thinking. the sea though, it calmed my mind.
at the age of 16, i was roaming the amalfi coast in italy. this was like all the other beaches i had been too to the untrained eye. but this, this was the mediterranean sea. a new ocean to gaze at. i could look down the shore as far as it goes and not see a soul. i sat on the beach, just sitting there. staring into the sea. thinking. writing. dreaming, if you will. it put me completely at ease. i remember, it was in that italian ocean where i first stood up off the beach, and ran full speed into the water. i went completely underwater, but still, not far enough to where i was off the ocean floor.
on my last trip to the coast in southern california, i remember staring into the deep waters of the sea. i remember i began to think about all it is that i just said. and i thought about getting in the water. you know, to where i was completely off the ocean floor. i sat and thought about it for quite some time, as i watched the sun sink into the sea. i decided, i could wait. i could wait for a time when i can take someone hand in hand, and walk together, into the most beautiful setting on earth..
peace//

against all odds

ive roamed through vast wastelands
trying to get "home"
in deserts so hot, a mirage is a constant
temptation tortures your every sight
you better have heart, and a lot of it
if you plan to walk through these parts
the devil tempts the minds that are weak
the hearts that are empty
the ones with a price
most do
men turn to the devil more than we like to admit

i have a heart, maybe too big
demons plagued my mind growing up
making me hopeless, weak and empty inside
as i roamed those wastelands
i would not have blamed myself, if i had given in
i would not have blamed myself, if i gave up
against all odds
i remain i

pogo

from time to time i hear a song i am unfamiliar with
i seem to enjoy it, just because of where its at
its not something i am used to
but fuck what i am used to
" theres something in the air "
i dont know exactly what
but its something
and that something is a lot more
than anything ive ever had,
even if it turns out to be nothing at all.
believe me.

happy 4th

its the fourth
this time im by the sea
everyone is constantly flowing
much like the sea
drunk
happy
horny
none like me
i lack, indeed
its become very clear to me
my body is sore
i am incredibly lonely
but today, i took a walk
down along the beach
i was alone, of course
but i felt so free
as i stared into as far as i could see
what i saw, it warmed my heart
no people
just me
and the sea

my heart, it floats

it was a sunday night
a very cold one i remember
i was in montana
with very little i knew
and very little to do
but shivering the night through
i was walking
lord knows where
as i observed
i even went into a restaurant
to warm up for a bit, i guess
i just got chased out by smiles
and people
totally oblivious that it was fucking freezing outside
but before i left
i vomited in the john
my heart, it floats

on the 81 south, one more time

destination mill and university
on the 81 south
not for your usual
you see, i was 16
i would ask bums to buy me cigarettes
i would tell them, you can keep the change
eastside is where i could be found
no real purpose
i just liked to walk around a city
where theres no one like me
on a rainy day
smoking a cigarette
alone
with nothing
but my thoughts
and pen and pad
i embraced the puddles
while watching everyone avoid them

tread

another day of 115 degrees
this heat drains me dry
its hot as fuck out here
its so damn hot because of all these people moving
i dont understand a damn thing about it
so many people moving so fast
but do they know what for?
i dont think so.
because, i know.

i cant swim forever
nor that well
"tread.."

# 37

i took a walk through downtown
just to feel alive
i sat on a bench by a fountain
smoking a cigarette
watching and learning
just to someday forget.

"dying young leaving a good looking corpse, of course."

float

if in my sleep death takes me away
dont be surprised i wasnt put here to stay.
i cant imagine this race without a finish line.
48 - 49
its all in time
all in time.

i must admit, im a spirit at ease
a bit lonesome, but absolutely free.
in these walls, i do not find home
its everywhere else that i dont even know.
i cant tell you
how much i want to say
that i will oneday see a day
that i can just look back
and laugh.

think

i see him waiting down by central ave
hes got a big scar on his left hand
i know its probably a fix hes looking for
probably not a friend
he asked if i had some money, like most of em' do
but when i said no, he acted like he wanted to prove
he was still worthy of my time
he drew a portrait of me on a bus pass
dated the 9th when it was the 10th
i asked him, "how much for this portrait?"
he seemed amazed i was talking bout cash
i gave him 10 dollars and thanked him very much
i just prayed for his soul, who by now, seemed ruff
it made me think, "who is this man? whats his voice?"
is he a drug addict? did he have a choice?
we all do.
his scared hand was not the right

forgotten

i am the forgotten.
the thrown away.
like a piece of trash.
words.
more words.
but always a harsh reminder that words mean nothing towards me.
who would've thought.

in the city

music keeps me tall

i like music. it puts peace in my heart. i like being around it, watching it, hearing it. it makes me not care for anything like lies, or rejection, even when staring it right in the face. i have learned to grow with each rejection, and thats allowed me to grow more that i want to admit. i dont have much left that you can take. every time i become aware of rejection, whether its to my face or in my back, i think about leaving. just...walking out. most times i do, sometimes i dont. i am glad music keeps me wanting to stay, if for nothing else.

starry night

tonights one of those nights where i take a walk outside
chances are im wandering, looking at the sky.
i felt cold, but a different cold, a good cold by my side
i slightly smiled and wondered what id be like to walk with someone tonight.
i look to the sky to give me my guide
because i know they know the better way.
Nighttimes my favorite because the moon shines on phoenix
and i'll never forget or let, my fallen ones go astray.
i am all i got, ive proven myself, what else do you want from me?
the meaning of life is be thankful everynight and to remember what it is you want to be.
as it goes for me, i know my dreams and have had them since day one
i wish i could explain why i am this way, but i am like no other one.

constant movement is when i most feel free.

east

i should go east. or should i stay west? i think i'll go east. then i'll visit the west. then back east.

clockwork

oh, no, ive done it again
i started walking and im on the mend.
shining stars and city lights
have never both been so dim.
in this mirror, it is clear
i am fragile and thin.
weakness, road, struggles, lines
are worn on my face from time to time.
however i am timeless, i wear no watch
cause in the end, it never ends.
this clockwork is topnotch

i think im dumb

nobody cares for me because their too busy caring about themselves.
i care about everyone, but myself.

education

i remember walking down a dirt road at night. i was in the woods, it was dark. there were tall trees surrounding this road and the only way to stay on the road was to look straight up at the sky, to see where the trees parted. as i continued to walk into the dark, i remember wondering if i was going to make it back to the campsite. i was young then, and became scared. scared of what i could not see. i remember wishing i was with someone, wishing i had a hand to hold in that pitch black night.
that was 9 years ago and sometimes i feel as if im back on that dirt road. feeling as if im still walking. blind, but not deaf. however, i can cope. its a memory that lasts because im still alone. lonely, that is. those 80,000 miles of road let me know that there is much to see and feel, without the help from a friend or that someone. the never ending stare into the sea taught me to never stop. to always keep moving. time and time again, lesson learned. i will be alright. good gets better, and i know the road treats me good.

tucson arizona

you run from familiar arms into their embrace.
i hope they love you like i did, when you needed me
and i came for you that night..

i hate this city

only the deaf find peace.
only the blind wont reach.
i hate this city.
forget the fuck away from me.

untitled

i keep finding myself out very late at night in the backseat of fast swerving cars drunk desperate with horrible music screaming in my ear with a friend who has never really been a friend sandwiched between 2 or 3 nowhere girls listening to them talk about all the pills they swallow for all the problems they have or about all the men they swallow because they are trying to lose weight driving aimlessly around another nowhere cardboard cut-out city looking for "a guy they know that can get some" thinking that i would cut off one of my hands if we could just find him he is nowhere but even if each of these girls had a compass in their cunts and steering wheels for breats and i had a satellite in my brain and a map of this guy tatooed to my cock we would all still be lost.

constant movement

i find myself in foreign places a lot. there is no such thing as home, this i know, but i feel as if foreign places are home more than ever now. i like walking down a street that reminds me of absolutly nothing. it puts peace in my heart. i like the sea, because its never still. restless, like the kind i am. i like watching solid and divided lines pass faster than i can see. it makes me feel free. absoulte freedom. i have this, but with it comes lonesome times. its not a weakness, its a feeling. a feeling that will come and go forever, until the last. it has made me what i am today, so i wear it on my face. the colder the better. i wouldnt change anything for the world.

sea sick

im married to the sea, and have been for years.
i filled the seas up, with all of my tears.
i felt free, with only me, lost out at sea.
but as the years continue to pass, i grow more lonely.
sea sickness is catching right up too me.
its not like i care anyway, shes the only one who cares for me.
left me, im alone.

no such thing as home

its all damn clear now, as the snow disappears,
how much it goes back, all the fears.
to realize at the age of 20, that im disconnected with all
greater disconnection, comes with each of the falls.
i like snow, i like trains, it reminds me of home,
because ive never lived by either, they have grown.
in my ears and in my heart, i love the sound and feel,
i love these things because it is whats truth and real.
there was never, and will never be.
there is no such thing as home.

when i die, its going to rain

when i die, its going to rain
and so will i
i cant seem to stop raining.
i told myself, id rain til the end of my time
but i dont know if its worth it anymore...

untitled #1

Dark skys, im walkin through the dark skys.
Looking down with watered eyes.
With no clue on how to ever get back.
My life, is like a car crash in the sky.
I crashed it in the night, with no friends to pull me from the wreck.

Tired of me, ive grown old and tired of me.
Remember me, when all is lost like my memory.
To all of my enimies, ill love you all til the day i die.