Look Up

The moon is a sickle cell
It'll kill you in time

for you

a friend once told me
we have many paths in this journey
they act in different directions
so when you question dont be worried
its not a wrong one
beauty can be found in all of them
you meet people whos paths intersect
but you dont know how long you'll walk with them
b/c the truth is, its so hard, but you'll never know
how long we'll continue w/ out loved ones done this rugged road
the path veers and its clear we must steer alone
i've learned if you cant hold on to that moment
let it go
b/c freedom is god
freedom is acknowledging the mask you have on
and possesing the strength to take it off
freedom is accepting every step of the path
and when its hard having faith the ability to embrace that
thats where you are and this is it
the same shit we work for but do against in the same sense
my friend hit me hard, w/ the truth unraveled
she said "the brighter the light, the darker the shadow"
and since im on cliche terms, knowings half the battle
but i dont know
so i just go with whats destined
life can be a burden or a blessing
the choice is yours to be connected
its there if you want it, you got it, now let it

i feel like i have nothing to give right now
this is my trial, tribulations and it must go down
but wheres the up?
im stuck with a broken smile
not jokin now, wanting to grab a swish and smoke it out
but the moment of man, choosing what path he'll go down
do i give in? give up? or get out and live now?
with a split gut, pick myself up and swing my style
this is the only thing that can hold my ground
your born into this world alone, alones how you'll go out
all i have is myself and everyone else i doubt
only trust yourself and depend on the help of the pound
inside of the chest w/ the breath that is now
no sunshine when shes gone
i can only see clouds
no friends can hold me down, the spirits testing me now
although i can withstand this world
its so fucked up and foul
flood of emotions, like im being held down to drown
hell's right around the corner but only you can turn it around
you always have a choice
no matter the situation your not bound
to nothing, no one, your chosen for this job
this is life, no escape when its hard
just know that it passes but you'll collect scars
they never go away but they make you who you are
this is a beautiful struggle, i share it in songs
i cant control this, remember: the moment beyond us

hold your head up, theres a light in the sky
i know your fed up but you must try and survive
each moments precious dont let life pass you by
keep focused keep your eyes on the prize

untitled

tonight i feel like im swimming. sometimes i can't help but get sad. i start thinking about things and they always drag me down... all i want for anyone is good fortune. i think of too many people - ayla, josh, karl, jaylen, jimmie, coyne, ... if i could say one thing, it would be i love you. if i could say two, it would be i still care.

look up into the moon and breath in that northwest air. make sure you embrace the rain because i'll never see you again.

it's been a long time

to whom it may concern -
i know what it means to be alive.
because I've accepted the fact I'm just going to die.
so i live
day by day,
and with all of my heart.
every second and sight, i feel is more than to the others
every single person, are my sisters and brothers.
now I'm 22
yes, I'm ready to die
only because I've just started to live.
so now I no longer cry.
because life's everything you make it
and that's why i strive
to someday die
knowing i did everything in my power and passion
knowing i tried.

none.

sick and sad again
is it too much to ask the rain to end?
tired and lonely again
sometimes id like to stand on my own two feet
im so tired of lying in bed at night
wide awake with eyes wide open
feeling like theyre sown shut
there has got to be more to this than i see and feel
there has got to be more to whats dragging me down
if i could just figure out where it is im supposed to be
or where it is i want to be
maybe then i could get a good nights sleep
maybe then i could see

nothings like being held

its funny...
i've never felt so alone
but somehow
im fine with it
in fact, its perfect
absolutely perfect.

i have come to terms

all is new

green trees, wet streets
lonesome trains and neighborhood cats
no cactus, dirt, no rocks
no prick scottsdale cops
no house here looks the same
all is new
to the cold nights with raging wind
to the people on the streets who treated me like kin
to the cold bench on the waterfront
and the boats that go in and out
i love it all
because all is new

mlk day

i took a walk into downtown portland today
today is Martin Luther King Day
quietly, as usual, i observed and listened the downtown
a bit of depression ran through me today
feeling lonesome again
at least i can justify, not knowing a soul in the city
this city is windy and cold
absolutely perfect for me
i wandered into a mall that had an ice skating rink inside
i stopped and watched
round and round
fall after fall
they always got back up
seeing this made me smile
once i got to thinking
every smile i feel is because of myself
my own thoughts
im far past alone
all that rejection just falls right off me
times like these i say to myself
"thank god for making people and days like this"
Martin Luther King.. Martin Luther King Day.
thank you, because you were such a wonderful person
once again
i smile

peace of mind

i am at a loss of words to begin this poem
i can only see what it is ive been shown
alone not again, but always and still
my peace of mind begins to fill
my heart and soul of lonesome and desire
im only growing older, only to tire
if only a she could have seen
who i am
and what i am about
maybe she wouldve liked me
without a doubt
but i think like an elder
alone on his death bed
as i start to regret
what it is i never said
at least my pen and pad can capture my thoughts
the thoughts of a man who is lonesome but strong
nothings changed
same dance
same song
my significant other
my peace of mind

to Coyne with love

december again
how can i forget all thats done
the twenty second
this month weighs about a ton
this was my favorite month
of all the months that the year brings
but as life continued
i found myself alone and heartbroken

please
remember me for the heart i had
it can live inside you too

i'll never forget, your names not in vain
and i do remember
the last thing that you said
"im taking it easy, i think that you should too"
i'll try, thanks
god bless you

to the end with love

and i know, just who i am
its been told, i got the lower hand
but i know, its not always true
you see, its so much easier for me to be happy than you

all ive got is me
im just one with the sea
and i am completly free

so it goes, and so do i
lord knows, that i tried
whats done is done, and so am i
onto the next town, down the road i drive

all ive got is me
im just one with the sea
and i am completly free

Audrea

hello, my name is paul
i never have much to say at all
you see, im lonely
but im not quite alone
you see, i have many places
that i call my home
too little, too late
story of my life

today was different
as i tried to talk
but as i opened my mouth
the words fell out
straight to the floor
as i walked to the door
life wont change today

i need the guts that i dont have
i want to be happy with who i am

all i know

"i swear, i'll never tell them again"
i wasnt aware writing could get you in so much trouble
i wasnt writing for or about them
but of course, its all about them
i regret my feelings
however, i cant regret putting them on paper

i was so young
and to think, what did i know?
now, i know.

new years

i remember them so well
the new years
where i was
what i saw
at exactly 12:00 midnight
2001-02
phoenix arizona
it was a bit chilly
the horns and firecrackers went off
id gone to bed at 9pm
lights out, covers up
i could hear them
their happiness, their screams
their paper hats and horns
new years eve completly terrifies me
life knows nothing of years

once the horns had stopped
and the firecrackers no longer
it began to rain
and i thought to myself
i will never understand man
but i have lived it through

1:47

today i got to thinking
how meaningless one is
when there are just so many
what does it really matter?
theres always another
but i speak of such
because i am alone
there is no one to let down
or say goodbye too
i just listen to everyone
and everyone they know
as i keep to myself
random nights in random cities
puts it all into perspective
i am a man of music
i am a man of words
but also silence
as my good friends continue down the road singing
"to be one of us is a blessing"

i must admit

i must admit
this feels pretty nice
all i can hear is the wind passing my ear
its quiet and cold
and i like that.
i like watching trucks pass on interstate 80
i enjoy they're company
they just never stop coming
and i like that.
laying here wide awake, i begin to smile
as i hear the trains in the distance
sitting by this fire keeps me warm on the inside
as i look on from the outside
its times like these
i realize what life is all about

so stay warm.

my mouth is always closed

i was sitting on my couch
my mouth was closed
i though to myself
how lonely ive become
i went out for a drink
and saw a beautiful woman
i sat there for an hour
thinking of something beautiful to say
but my mouth remained closed
speechless, as usual
i gave it some time
too much time
and i ended up walking out
more alone than i felt before

nothings changed...

im gonna die alone
i promise

october

this is my second favorite month
october
finally a breeze
kids trick or treat
i am a new man now
yet, i dont feel any different
a little more tired, perhaps
a little more drained
but i remain looking forward to december
it is my favorite month
i can take another drive down hayden
listening to the kinison
its cold in december, and i like that
i can see the lights around me
and feel better about feeling so cold

both are pretty damn lonely..

then and now

i think its sad when i see these people
who always have someone theyre with
even right after the last one
and on and on again
i've been this way for so long
i dont think i'll ever stand next to someone
if theres an open space i can stand alone in
you will see me there
if only your eyesight was not as bad as the rest
because i am alive
but nobody says much to me
they tend to walk right by me

i am

i am a writer
i am a musician
music is the world and life
nothing more nor less
but words, are all i have
i write for no one but myself
i do not write sadness
i write feelings
i write truth
i am a man, and i dont think twice to tell my stories
my words will outlive me
and when they do
maybe someone will care then
maybe then, someone somewhere will understand
whats its like
because this world is so fucking beautiful
its just more enjoyable when your not in it alone

i love the sky and the trees
i love rain and city streets
i love people watching
i love watching the world go round
all while never even opening my mouth
there is something bigger than me and you
and all the beauty we see
whether we realize it or not
i dont know what this is
but i have the hope and faith in it
that it will save my life