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tonight i feel like im swimming. sometimes i can't help but get sad. i start thinking about things and they always drag me down... all i want for anyone is good fortune. i think of too many people - ayla, josh, karl, jaylen, jimmie, coyne, ... if i could say one thing, it would be i love you. if i could say two, it would be i still care.

look up into the moon and breath in that northwest air. make sure you embrace the rain because i'll never see you again.

it's been a long time

to whom it may concern -
i know what it means to be alive.
because I've accepted the fact I'm just going to die.
so i live
day by day,
and with all of my heart.
every second and sight, i feel is more than to the others
every single person, are my sisters and brothers.
now I'm 22
yes, I'm ready to die
only because I've just started to live.
so now I no longer cry.
because life's everything you make it
and that's why i strive
to someday die
knowing i did everything in my power and passion
knowing i tried.

none.

sick and sad again
is it too much to ask the rain to end?
tired and lonely again
sometimes id like to stand on my own two feet
im so tired of lying in bed at night
wide awake with eyes wide open
feeling like theyre sown shut
there has got to be more to this than i see and feel
there has got to be more to whats dragging me down
if i could just figure out where it is im supposed to be
or where it is i want to be
maybe then i could get a good nights sleep
maybe then i could see

nothings like being held

its funny...
i've never felt so alone
but somehow
im fine with it
in fact, its perfect
absolutely perfect.

i have come to terms

all is new

green trees, wet streets
lonesome trains and neighborhood cats
no cactus, dirt, no rocks
no prick scottsdale cops
no house here looks the same
all is new
to the cold nights with raging wind
to the people on the streets who treated me like kin
to the cold bench on the waterfront
and the boats that go in and out
i love it all
because all is new

mlk day

i took a walk into downtown portland today
today is Martin Luther King Day
quietly, as usual, i observed and listened the downtown
a bit of depression ran through me today
feeling lonesome again
at least i can justify, not knowing a soul in the city
this city is windy and cold
absolutely perfect for me
i wandered into a mall that had an ice skating rink inside
i stopped and watched
round and round
fall after fall
they always got back up
seeing this made me smile
once i got to thinking
every smile i feel is because of myself
my own thoughts
im far past alone
all that rejection just falls right off me
times like these i say to myself
"thank god for making people and days like this"
Martin Luther King.. Martin Luther King Day.
thank you, because you were such a wonderful person
once again
i smile

peace of mind

i am at a loss of words to begin this poem
i can only see what it is ive been shown
alone not again, but always and still
my peace of mind begins to fill
my heart and soul of lonesome and desire
im only growing older, only to tire
if only a she could have seen
who i am
and what i am about
maybe she wouldve liked me
without a doubt
but i think like an elder
alone on his death bed
as i start to regret
what it is i never said
at least my pen and pad can capture my thoughts
the thoughts of a man who is lonesome but strong
nothings changed
same dance
same song
my significant other
my peace of mind